UUURRRG!

So, my husband just came home for lunch from work and ate probably a box and a half of macaroni and cheese. Just scarffed it down, barely breathed between bites. That should disgust me, right? I was somewhat grossed out by the sight, but what I was more grossed out by is that I was so freaking jealous of him! I wanted SO bad to grab even just a small, maybe half cup of mac and cheese and eat with him. I didn't, and that is because of you... You keep me accountable. But I wanted to SO bad! I was questioning wether this was even worth it... He reminded me that progress is progress, and .8 lbs a day for a week is a lot of weight to lose... I know... Still, I just want ONE FREAKING BITE! But for me, that is how it starts... One bite breaks my entire resolve... One bite one day turns into one bite twice a day the next day, and so on... I did have a bite of chicken earlier today that I spit out... I just wanted to chew something... I am not counting it as an official "bite" altho, I wish I wouldn't have done that, cause now it makes me want it more. Day 4 of 14, and I am already questioning if I can do this... I keep telling myself, I have to at least make it a week! ONE FREAKING WEEK OF MY LIFE... How short of a span compared to the expanse of my entire life, and I still don't think I can spend it without my Best-friend, FOOD. Well, That friend hurt me. That friend told me lies... I hate it!

I can already feel the withdrawl coming on... I am starting to shake, I have a headache, I feel weak all the time, and I am bitchy like never before! I am also having a pretty painful cramp in my side under my ribs... I try to keep telling myself these things are positives, and I can't get better without them... But GOD, I just want a Bite of SOMETHING! I am pathetic! I am not even a 3rd of the way thru this, and I already want to quit. NOT THIS TIME. I can do this, at least a week. At the end of a week, I can evaluate my loss, and go from there...

Look at me... Already making plans to quit early... TO give up... 2 weeks without a single bite of food IS a long time, and so is a week. But is it enough time to break me from this obsession, or is it just going to grow over time... The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing? I don't know. It is too soon to tell, and that is why I can't give up now! I did 3 days, and now, I am going to do 4. And tomorrow, I am going to go 5...

I am going to go take a bath and shelter myself from the overwhelming desire to sit in front of the TV with the rest of the mac and cheese, 2 hotdogs (which is how many are left in the open pack in our fridge) and a turkey sandwich for extra measure...

I just keep telling myself that it will be worth the pain once I am under 200, and even more so once I hit goal!