SO, I think I hate my husband... Like, not kidding... I can't stand him! And it has been like this for months... He makes me feel like a worthless peice of shit... Like there is nothing I can do to ever be good enough for or attractive to him... Like I disgust him with everything I do... He ONLY sees the negative... He doesn't even try to find the positives in me... I always thought that was just me and my low self-esteem talking, but I truly think he is disgusted and repulsed by me... I think we hate eachother...
Take the last 2 weeks for example... I have been working out 3-5 days a week. I haven't lost weight, but I personally can tell a big difference in how my clothes fit, the size of my stomach, and legs... My face looks a lot different too... ALL he sees is the fact I have been eating too much sweets... I made a birthday cake for baby, and about half of it is gone... I ate probably a third of it since Monday... Yeah, that is a lot of cake, but considering that has been my meals, I don't think is the end of the world. It isn't like I am eating a ton of food and THEN having cake... I am choosing to make a 200 cal peice of cake into a meal... Big freaking whoop! But I asked him tonight if I looked like I weigh 209, because I don't think that I do, and he says "yeah. and I think 'spongebob' *the cake* has something to do with that" I just wanted to kick him in the nuts SO BAD!!! He can't look past the bad... Seriously, I want to go punch him in the face right now, I am so hurt and angry... NO WONDER I HATE MYSELF!!! I am seriously considering moving some stuff into my neighbour's house and "living"/sleeping there, so I don't have to keep sleeping on the couch because I have NO desire to be anywhere near him right now...
If his parents weren't going to be here tomorrow, I probably would do it tonight... But I have to play nice for the next week. I hate that I am going to have to sleep in the same bed as him tomorrow night!
I really don't know when this happened... We used to be happy together... He made me feel special and beautiful, and loved... Now, it feels like he wants nothing more than to get rid of me, but he can't...
We will get thru this... We will be fine... We just need to have some time together to talk. I need to tell him how I feel, and have him tell me he loves me no matter what...
Maybe I just have too high of expectations of him... I don't know...
I just want my friend back!
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