ZzzzzZzzzzZzzzz...

Hey, lovelies...

So, I have stopped gaining, I guess that is good. :)I am so freaking tired from this pregnancy... Seriously, I can barely stay awake for 12 hours at a time! I fell asleep in the bathtub earlier today... Growing a human is hard work!

I started a book called the Beck Diet solution. It uses cognative therapy to re-train your brain to help you lose weight. I am on day 4, and have lost maybe a pound, but I really haven't been trying at all. I am waiting until day 14 like the book says... I am going to start writing down what I eat, and the calories that are in it. Not worrying too much about "what" I am eating yet. Just counting and limiting calories. Unfortunately, I actually have to have a minimum calorie limit of 1500 for the baby's sake... I am thinking 1500-1800 is a good range. I burn about 1700 on a normal day without working out, and you are supposed to add 300 for the baby... So, I should be fine, and not gain, if not actually lose, because I will still be working out, and I am not allowing extra cals for that... Those days, the baby can take what I am eating, and I can use my fat... :) (Works for me)

I have had to modify my workouts. I have to keep my heartrate under 140bpm. Which is actually good. That is prime heartrate for fat burning... And that is what I need... I am pretty strong, so I don't need too much strength or endurance training. It should be a good thing, but I am finding it hard to hold myself back... I want to feel my pulse pounding in my ears! But that is dangerous for Baby.

My sessions with Dr. L are going well. I really like her. She is helping me deal with my past so I can move on and allow myself to succeed in life. I am tired of self-sabotaging on purpose, and she is going to help me with that. I feel better emotionally. More stable, I guess... My moods aren't swinging quite as far as they were there for a while. AND, I am pregnant, which means that I am going to have moodswings due to hormones anyway, so some of what I am experiencing now is normal.

Hubby and I are good. I have gained a lot of weight back, but he is still being supportive and loving. No, he doesn't compliment me as much anymore, but he isn't being negative or degrading this time! He understands that there is more to it that simply a lack of self-control...

All in all, Life is going pretty well, except I am disgustingly fat... Like literally... 227ish... :( But I am learning in my book and my sessions with DR. L how to deal with the negative thoughts differently, so I can move on and forgive and live my life to the fullest and lose the weight and keep it all off this time! I am optimistic... I have a strong support system this time... And I am doing it the right way: Taking care of the internal struggles FIRST instead of trying to fix the outside and hoping my emotions and self-esteem would catch up!


Well, I thought I should give an update. Sorry I don't write more... I have a 1 and a 2 year old, that make it kind of hard to sit and type for any long period of time. :)

Stay strong, and learn to love yourselves for how strong you are. There are those of us that are trying to find the kind of strength you have to do the things that need to be done! (I will get there!!!)

AnaNae